She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
