my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
