So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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