walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
