I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
