Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
