just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
