Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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