Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
