I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
