I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
