Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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