So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You ruined the universe
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
