We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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