WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
