Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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