Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
