He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
