Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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