nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
