Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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