Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
