Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
