ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
