hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
