oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
