at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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