I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
