I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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