I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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