Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
