I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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