just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
