I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
