thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
