she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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