Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
