im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sarcasm needs its own font
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
