plz talk dirty to me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
