I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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