From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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