ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
