she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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