and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
