K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
