My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
