lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
