thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
