Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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