hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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