I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
