Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
