We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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