bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
