Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
