Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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