my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
smell my finger.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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