How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.