Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.