You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day