At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy