I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.