I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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