Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
