considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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