So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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