is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
