she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
