he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
