someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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