arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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