Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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