The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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