Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
