i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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