So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
