So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
